Are You Treating Money Like a Lover or a One-Night Stand?

Last week, I had one of those conversations that I'm still thinking about days later.

I sat down with Leah Brathwaite on the Live Free Lifestyle podcast, and we went deep—into the stories we inherit about money, the lies we tell ourselves, and why your bank balance has less to do with dollars and more to do with your nervous system.

If you've ever felt that tightness in your chest when you check your account, or if you've hit a certain number only to watch it disappear again, this one's for you.

The Question That Changes Everything

Leah asked me what it means to live free, and here's what I know:

Financial freedom isn't a number. It's an inside job.

You can be financially independent—living on 4% of your investments, checking all the boxes—and still feel contracted, anxious, and afraid.

Or you can have less than you think you "should" and feel expansive, generous, and at peace.

The difference? Whether you're approaching money with love or with fear.

Every time you interact with money—checking your balance, paying a bill, receiving income—you're feeding one of two wolves: expansion or contraction. Connection or separation.

And here's the radical part: you can track your Excel sheet with love. You can work overtime with love. It's not the action that matters—it's the energy behind it.

So ask yourself right now: When you think about money, are you approaching it with love or with fear?

If it's fear—if there's tightness, avoidance, or that familiar "not enough" feeling—there's work to be done.

The Origin Story That Changes Everything

Most of us were taught that money came from the barter system. You trade your goat for my grain. Aristotle said it, so it must be true.

Except it's not.

Money actually originated from debt—but not the kind that makes you feel small.

The reciprocity kind. The connection kind.

Picture a small village. Your partner dies. You have three young children and no way to feed them alone. Your neighbours show up with food. They help you. They see you.

There's no invoice. No repayment schedule. Just humanity being human.

But you know—deep in your body—that when your neighbour's roof collapses next month, you'll be there. That's reciprocity. That's the original energy of money: gratitude, connection, and mutual care.

Somewhere along the way, we turned connection into disconnection. Reciprocity into hoarding. Love into fear.

What if money was never meant to separate us—but to connect us?

If Money Were Your Lover

Here's a question I ask my clients that always stops them in their tracks:

If money were your lover, how are you treating it right now?

Are you:

• Avoiding it? Hoping it'll just figure itself out while you look the other way?

• Using it like a one-night stand? It comes in, you consume it immediately, and it's gone before you can even feel it?

• Obsessively tracking every move without actually connecting or asking what it needs?

• Demanding it show up differently without changing how you're showing up?

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We interact with money about 32 times a day—more than we interact with any human in our lives.

And yet most of us have zero intimacy with it.

Intimacy requires presence. It requires curiosity without judgment. It requires actually looking, listening, and creating space for reciprocity.

You can't shame yourself into wealth. You can only rewire it.

The 5 Toxic Money Beliefs Running Your Life

During our conversation, I broke down the five beliefs that keep most people stuck in patterns they can't see. As you read these, notice which one makes your body respond:

1. Money is bad

You can't be a good person AND have wealth. So you avoid it, reject it, or sabotage it to stay aligned with who you think you are.

Body clue: You feel guilty every time you spend on yourself or celebrate a win.

2. I have to work hard for my money

Ease feels wrong. Rest feels irresponsible. You've tied your worth to your hustle.

Body clue: You can't rest without guilt. You're exhausted but you can't stop.

3. Money makes me look good

Your worth fluctuates with your bank balance. You're performing prosperity instead of embodying it.

Body clue: You spend to impress. Your value comes from external validation.

4. Money will solve all my problems

Just one more promotion, one more client, one more zero. Then you'll finally be okay.

Body clue: The goalpost keeps moving. You're always one deal away from "making it."

5. There's never enough

Your nervous system never rests. You can't celebrate. You live in chronic scarcity.

Body clue: Even when you have it, it doesn't feel like enough. You hoard or overspend.

Here's your work: Write down which belief is yours. Then ask: How is this lie serving me? What am I protecting myself from by staying here?

Because here's the truth: When you're functioning from "not enough," you're living in a lie.

And that lie is protecting you from something you don't want to feel or see.

The Chalice of Receiving

I've watched this pattern dozens of times:

A client builds their savings to $80,000. Then something happens—they cash it out, make an impulsive decision, create a crisis that "requires" the money.

Why?

Because they don't know how to have.

They're like a bird at a feeder—eating, flying away, eating, flying away. Never building a nest. Never creating capacity to hold.

If you get $10,000, have you already spent it in your mind before it hits your account?

That's not a budgeting problem. That's a nervous system problem.

Most of us were never taught how to have. How to let money settle. How to build what I call a "chalice of receiving"—a capacity in your body to hold money without it burning through you like rocket fuel.

This isn't about willpower. It's about regulation.

It's about teaching your nervous system that having money is safe. That holding it doesn't make you bad. That you're allowed to build something that lasts.

The Patterns You Didn't Choose

The way you relate to money didn't start with you.

I did seven generations of intergenerational healing around money. (I don't recommend going that deep without support—by generation six, I needed reinforcements.)

But even going back three or four generations will show you: You're not making this up.

The scarcity, the fear, the "I have to work hard for everything"—it's inherited.

Your great-great-grandmother's relationship with money is still living in your body. In your cells. In the stories you tell yourself about what's possible.

And you get to be the one who breaks the cycle.

Not by shaming yourself into perfect budgets. But by doing the deeper work—healing the emotional and energetic roots while building practical, sustainable systems.

This isn't just about mindset or math. It's about marrying both.

Peace, Joy, and Confidence

You cannot have a healthy relationship with money without all three:

Peace — Your nervous system can stay calm when you think about money

Joy — You can celebrate wins without immediately looking for the next problem

Confidence — You trust yourself to make aligned decisions

Notice which one you're missing. That's where your work begins.

What Living Free Actually Means

Leah asked me what it means to live free, and here's what I've learned:

Freedom isn't a number in your bank account.

Freedom is being able to make choices that align with your heart. It's using money in ways that reflect your values. It's giving because you're overflowing, not because you're obligated.

Freedom is feeling so connected to others that you can't help but give—because you're spilling over with gratitude.

That's when money becomes what it was always meant to be: a conduit for love and connection.

If this conversation is stirring something in you, here are three immediate actions:

1. Ask the love/fear question

This week, every time you interact with money—checking your account, paying a bill, making a purchase—pause and ask: "Am I approaching this with love or with fear?" Notice what comes up. That awareness alone begins the shift.

2. Identify your toxic belief

Go back to those five beliefs. Write down which one is yours. Then ask: "How is this belief serving me? What am I protecting myself from?" Let yourself see it without judgment.

3. Check in with your "chalice"

If money came to you right now, could you hold it? Or would you immediately spend it, give it away, or create a reason to get rid of it? If you're like a bird at a feeder, that's okay. Now you know. And knowing is the beginning of change.

Your Invitation

Listen to the full podcast episode with Leah Brathwaite on the Live Free Lifestyle podcast —we go even deeper into the origin story of money, why you self-sabotage at certain numbers, and what it really means to rewire your wealth.

Join the Intergenerational Money Reset —a 4-week live journey starting November 15th 2025 (But I run it three times a year- Next one is the end of January 2026)- where we do the deep healing work together. It's just $97, and once you're in, you're in forever. We use hypnotherapy, breathwork, and somatic practices to rewire your lineage and your nervous system.

Learn more here

Book a free discovery call if you're ready for 1:1 support in creating your own money ecosystem—one that integrates the emotional work with practical systems. Book here

Your relationship with money doesn't have to stay the way it is.

You're not broken. You're not behind. You're not "bad with money."

You're just ready to stop living out stories that were never yours to begin with.

Let's write a new one—together. 💛

P.S. — That voice in clown school 15 years ago was right. Money can be a conduit for love and connection. I've seen it transform hundreds of lives. And I'd be honoured to witness yours.